According to his Noodliness, pirates are "absolute divine beings" and the original Pastafarians (human pastafarians, penguins being the first living). Their image as "thieves and outcasts" is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages and by Hare Krishnas. They were in fact "peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will" who distributed candy to small children, and modern pirates are in no way similar to "the fun-loving buccaneers from history" (Make sure to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19). Ghost pirates are also believed to be responsible for all the mysterious lost ships and planes of the Bermuda Triangle.
The great Prophet, Henderson, illustrated that correlation does in fact imply causation. We put forth the argument that "global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of pirates since the 1800s." An accompanying chart shows that as the number of pirates decreased, global temperatures increased. .
Church goers have further interpreted the growing pirate activities at the Gulf of Aden as an additional empirical support, pointing out that Somalia has "the highest number of Pirates AND the lowest Carbon emissions of any country."
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